


Self Conclusion

by Gallavich4ever



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Oneshot, Song Lyrics, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:00:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27189700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gallavich4ever/pseuds/Gallavich4ever
Summary: Alec Lightwood is about to end his own life when a mysterious man with cat-like eyes appears to save his life.Based off the song: Self Conclusion by The Spill Canvas.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	Self Conclusion

**Author's Note:**

> This is a one shot I wrote a while ago. For some reason I never did post it. I’m glad I came across it again. Enjoy.
> 
> TW: Suicidal ideation and referenced homophobia.

**Fade in, start the scene  
Enter beautiful boy  
But things are not what they seem  
As we stand at the edge of the world**

One second, Magnus is standing at the edge of the bridge, contemplating things and overlooking the city. He thinks about the thing he came here to do, but movement from the corner of his eye draws him out of his thoughts, and his own plans are immediately forgotten as he turns to gaze at a beautiful raven-haired man. Even from the short distance, there’s a sad, but determined look on his face. He’s eyeing the ledge, looking like he’s contemplating jumping.

Magnus knows the look too well.

He intercepts the younger man, sliding skillfully out in front of him and keeping him away from the ledge. 

“Woah there,” Magnus murmurs, noticing that the other man’s eyes are a beautiful sky blue. His favorite color. “A bit close huh? Wouldn’t want to fall off.”

**"Excuse me, sir,  
But I have plans to die tonight  
Oh, and you are directly in my way  
And I bet you're gonna say it's not right"  
My reply:  
"Excuse me, sir  
But do you have the slightest clue  
Of exactly what you just said to me  
And exactly who you're talking to?"**

“Fall?” Blue Eyes gives him an incredulous look, and then scoffs. “That’s kind of what I was hoping would happen here. I guess maybe you didn’t notice, but I came here to kill myself. And you’re kind of in my way. So maybe just move and don’t try to talk me out of it. It won’t work.” He tries to slide past Magnus, but Magnus grabs his arm, stopping him once more.

“Wait,” Magnus murmurs, knowing he has to be careful, knowing that one wrong move could end up actually killing this stunningly beautiful man. “You realize you just told a complete stranger that you planned on jumping off a bridge, right? Is that how you greet most strangers?”

**He said, "I don't care, you don't even know me"  
I said, "I know but I'd like to change that soon, hopefully"  
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion  
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion  
You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it  
No matter how unbearable this misery gets**

“You think I give a damn about your feelings?” Blue Eyes glares at him. “You don’t even know me, alright? So why don’t you just back off and let me do what I came here to do.”

“I know we just met, but I’d like to get to know you a bit better,” Magnus replies, and then holds out his hand. “We got off on the wrong foot, maybe. I’m Magnus. Magnus Bane.”

Blue Eyes stares down at his hand like he doesn’t have a clue what to make of it, but then reluctantly shakes Magnus’s hand. “I’m Alec. Alec Lightwood. Just know that us knowing each other’s names doesn’t change my mind.”

“I didn’t think it would,” Magnus replies softly. “I only wanted to have a name to put with the face.”

“So you’re done now? Great,” Alec tries to escape once more, but Magnus doesn’t dare let go of his arm.

“Look, Alec, everyone has bad days sometimes, or gets depressed. I don’t know what you’re going through, but this isn’t the answer. Killing yourself is not the answer. What would your family or friends think? Wouldn’t they miss you?”

“As if,” Alec sneers. “After finding out I’m gay, my family wants nothing to do with me.”

Magnus has to restrain himself from pulling Alec into a hug. The other man isn’t ready for that yet, doesn’t trust Magnus enough for that yet.

“That’s horrible,” he says instead. “And I’m so sorry. But that still isn’t a good reason to die. You have to live for something, Alec, even if it’s bad now.”

**"You make it sound so easy to be alive  
But tell me, how am I supposed to seize this day  
When everything inside of me has died?"  
My reply:  
"Trust me, boy  
I know your legs are pleading to leap  
But I offer you this easy choice-  
Instead of dying, living with me"**

“You are literally a walking suicide prevention flyer cliche, aren’t you?” Alec mutters dryly. “How can it possibly get better when my entire family wants nothing more to do with me? Just because I like fucking guys? How am I supposed to ever feel good about that, Magnus?”

“Look, I know it feels that way now,” Magnus replies, “I know you want to jump so badly but….how about this? You come spend the night with me at my apartment. You don’t have to stay permanently. But maybe after a night of sleep, you won’t feel like this in the morning.”

**He said, "Are you crazy? You don't even know me."  
I said, "I know, but I'd like to change that soon hopefully"  
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion  
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion  
You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it  
No matter how unbearable this misery gets**

Alec stares at him in shock. “Why would you offer something like that to me? You barely know me! We only met literally five minutes ago and you’re offering for me to come spend the night?”

“I know it sounds crazy but….I want to help you, Alec,” Magnus pleads. “I don’t want you to do this. Things can be better for you, Alec. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Please. Just let me help you.”

“And what if things don’t get better?” Alec asks, eyes narrowing. “Tell me what happens then, Magnus!”

**I would be lying if I said that things would never get rough  
And all this cliche motivation, it could never be enough  
I could stand here all night trying to convince you  
But what good would that do?  
My offer stands, and you must choose**

“Alec, look, I can’t promise that it’ll get better right away, or even tell you when it will get better, but there’s still hope for you. You can still get the help you need and live the life you want. But only if you actually choose to live. I could stand here all night and try to talk you out of doing it, but what good does it do if you really don’t want to listen to me? I’ll help you, Alec, with anything you need. But only if you let me help you,” Magnus stares at Alec, and for one horrifying moment, he wonders what he’ll do if Alec tries to jump anyway.

**"All right, you win, but I only give you one night  
To prove yourself to be better than my attempt at flight  
I swear to god if you hurt me I will leap  
I will toss myself from these very cliffs  
And you'll never see it coming"  
"Settle, precious, I know what you're going through  
You see minutes before you got here I was gonna jump too"**

But then Alec finally sighs, shoulders slumping as he sinks into Magnus’s body. “Okay,” he murmurs as Magnus wraps his arms around him in a tight embrace. “Okay Magnus. One night. One damn night. But I swear to God if you do anything to me then I’ll do it. I’ll do it and I won’t ever regret it. Alright?”

Magnus sighs, holding Alec in his arms in relief. He’s just glad Alec isn’t choosing to die tonight.

“Don’t worry, Alec. I know exactly what you’re going through, and I’d never purposely hurt you. You see, just a few minutes before you showed up, I was thinking of jumping myself.”

Alec looks up, startled. “What...what stopped you?”

Magnus smiles, still embracing him. “Actually, you can thank yourself for that. You showing up literally saved my life Alexander.”

“That’s…..new,” Alec murmurs. “No one’s ever actually thought I was useful before….but you’re welcome. And thank you….for not letting me jump.”

Magnus sighs. “Let’s get away from here, go home. What do you say?”

“The most sane idea either of us has had tonight,” Alec replies, ghost of a smile on his face as Magnus reluctantly lets go of him.

Alec takes Magnus’s hand, and together, the two begin the short walk to Magnus’s apartment, neither one ever looking back at the bridge that had almost taken two lives that night.

**Yeah we all flirt with the tiniest notion  
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion  
You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it  
No matter how unbearable this misery gets**


End file.
